[2010-10-08] Time To Renew Oneself.

I've always blogged.  Or at least that is how it feels. 

Back in High School, my English teacher in freshman year encouraged me to write in a steno notebook about any thought, care, event, or emotion that game through my brain.  Even before her suggestion, I have found a tiny diary where I was writing about things through my grammar school life.

So basically, I've always had a journal.

Around January of 2001, I attempted to write an online article for an web site called WTF Studios.  Copyright issues came between me and the person who put himself in charge of the site, and I had my writing removed from the site and had not spoken to anyone that was a part of that group ever since.  Shortly after the incident, I met a blogger by the name of Jason Pettus.  He unintentionally helped change my views about public writing.  A day or so later, with the help of a good friend who wanted to venture into blogging as well, I joined LiveJournal.

In the past nine years I have said, "The rest is history."  Now with all the current issues happening to the website I used to call my online home, my thoughts are much more like "Time to renew oneself."  It is inevitable.  LiveJournal has become a slow, sinking ship... far slower then the Titanic was.  That is not to say I am gonna jump off of it early before it collapses.  It has been far too helpful of a tool to use and outside of the web remakes (i.e. DeadJournal, InsaneJournal, Dreamwidth, etc etc etc.) I am a little too faithful to the design, but not the new owners of the site.  I have said many times over the years that I was going to use their open source code to host mine on my own domain and just be done with them, but that is a whole lot of coding to work on and just the idea of trying to wrap my head around it makes me dizzy.  I guess that's why I am here on blogger for now.

When I first started my online journal all those years ago, the purpose was to figure out how to manage my real life (Reality) verses my online life (Digital).  Now, many years later, there isn't a separation of the two.  Either through my own doing or through the power of the internet or just because having to keep them separate all the time, I have come to realize there is no longer such a thing as separation of the two, at least for me.

Also over the years, due to too many betrayals and too many bad incidents, I started to close myself off from the public eye and turned my online journal to friends only.  Unfortunately that backfired as bad if not worse then all the incidents and betrayals that put me there.  Now in real life I am noticing that I am no longer an outgoing and outspoken as I once was, and it is starting to reflect how I manage my life.   

So unlike what the lurking trolls have said over the years, my reasoning for making a public blog isn't for a "LOOK AT ME!  LOOK AT ME" reasoning, but more to find people of similar thoughts and to try and open myself up more in the one way I know how.

Writing... journaling... blogging.... it is in my blood.  Always has been, always will be.